10 ft tall giant dobs on short asian female. White man worship reigns Pump Room, Clarke Quay.

The short asian female was not me, I promise, however I have woken up after 8 hrs of sleep, now sober and am still completely devastated/appalled/disgusted at the white man favouritism that dominates the bouncers' perceptions at Pump Room in Clarke Quay. I wish I could say that I told the bouncers to "Fuck your white man bias and enjoy sucking their dicks!!", but I'm not sure what kind of night that would have ended up as.

We probably spent no more than 15 minutes at Pump Room.

Standing at the bar, this group of freakishly tall (as in my head probably reached as high as their belly buttons) white boys from some undisclosed European country (somewhere where at the age of 30 it's cool to tell on short girls) kept elbowing the back of our heads due to 1) freakish height; and 2) general disregard for the comfort of others. I calmly turned around and warned them to watch their elbows. I am quite sure that they were shocked that a) I knew how to speak English (since they're white, they obviously own that language); and b) had the audacity to attempt to assert any kind of authority over them, given my gender/ethnicity and all. This was all repeated again when enter R who assumed the elbowed-in-the-back-of-the-head position and got her Sydney on.

The really ugly (truly, truly, atrociously ugly - who H later called Arnold Schwarzenegger) giant decided at some point that he could both feel R up and then proceed to grind her from behind as she waited at the bar, while H her boyfriend, was a mere metre away. At this point, the freakish giants were just going too far, and a drink ended up being spilt on the back of the really ugly giant's back. Oh poor diddums. He and his companions decided that the right thing to do would obviously be to dob on us to the bouncers. Given our threatening stature and all. Rarrr! That aSiAn pRidE stuff can get way outta control yeh. waddup.

Like SERIOUSLY!?! If it weren't for the fact that my arm couldn't even reach past his chest, this guy deserved a glassing!!!

Anyway, it was exasperating to say the least, trying to explain to the bouncers that this guy was being inappropriate and disrespectful, particularly given that the glorified white man was telling lies in the meantime about how he had done absolutely nothing of the sort. FUCK YOU! and don't tell me to calm down you White Man lover, I know that you probably have never considered that inappropriate touching is, well, inappropriate and that girls should thank men and not feel disrespected but hey, you're dealing with people from the real world (ie outside of Singapore). Strange I know, with our slanty small eyes and all, we obviously "look Singaporean!" Fuck you. Probably didn't help the cause that one out of two of the bouncers so involved was white. It became quite obvious that Pump Room has set itself up to be a haven for insecure non-Asians. If much shorter Asian girls scare you, Pump Room is the place for you. I know that it has always been a popular joint for expats and whites, but that has in itself actually never deterred me from going there, or actually liking it there. This enlightenment however, has. Onto the ban list you go, I don't appreciate having racial bias affecting my night.

At the end of the day, if this is the type of bias that Singapore condones, then Singapore and its white man worship can go fuck itself. It's not as if this is a surprise to us really, but the fact that the bouncers took this giant seriously, and considered that a small group of short Asians could be at all threatening to these giants, is an illustration of the repulsive bias for white people and bias against Asians.

White man worship wins again.

much love xox.

savasana

.one.
I haven't played house in a while. By that, since I have been living out of home in an apartment in Singapore with my partner (Further to an interesting conversation that I had whilst in Sydney with the girls, it was highlighted that I should be referring to Dugy as my "partner" and not my "boyfriend" given that we fall into that unforgivably ugly category of de facto. De facto pretty much means shit all in Singapore family law in terms of rights and privileges, however in Australia, I feel like I've been slam dunked into the same bucket as a large group of generic white people. Horrifying! No wonder my Mum refused to accept my living arrangement all this time.. it all makes sense now. The next step for me in order to further my status into this dark hole would be to get pregnant and have a child (or multiple) out of wedlock.HISSSSSSSSS. Take that, Asian conservatism! No, actually.. really I don't want to.. I'm not ready to part with my conservative Asian values.) for the past two and a half years, I mean to truly take ownership of the four walls within which I call home (term used loosely). I took the opportunity of Dugy being out of the country for the weekend to take charge and due to other factors (The lock to our apartment made signs of potential flat lining (it's an electronic lock. snazzy but also inefficient) on Saturday which meant that there was the possibility of being locked out of the apartment if the battery decided to die while I went out.. Being home alone for the weekend and not being able to schedule the lock man to replace the battery until Monday morning meant that I was confined to my 800sqf for all of Sunday. This proved to encourage productivity (cleaning) at the expense of an expansive diet (for brunch I had two poached eggs with toast, however come dinner I realised that ingredients were lacking to the point that I was WISHING that we'd have a can of SPAM in the pantry. I ended up eating half a can of tuna, a mini magnum and some almonds).), I managed to do a massive home cleanse. However, due to the same reasons I was unable to complete my mission of cooking (nothing to cook with) and filling all of my tupperware (ok, I don't actually own tupperware in Singapore as I have refrained from investing in my kitchen whilst expatting. oh how i wish i had tupperware! this living arrangement is slowly killing me from within) with food to eat for the rest of the week, which sadly did leave me with a massive sense of failure. So no food to eat for the rest of the week. Come Tuesday night when my grocery shopping is delivered (thank goodness for that; while I stared out solemnly to the supermarket which is only metres away, I substituted my need to touch and feel with the cyber version like a little 15 year old boy watching porn).

.two.
I really wish that Singaporeans would accept that accents exist in this world, particularly the globally infamous Singaporean accent (don't worry guys, I haven't fallen victim and vow never to). Moreso, I would really wish that people would stop telling me how I should be pronouncing (a) words in English; and (b) my own name (yes, also in English). Get with it! Sometimes it's just absolutely frustrating/mystifying that this is a supposed Asian hub in a global economy yet expats are judged and glared at and there are such stark cultural divisions existing within society. For a place where there are multiple official languages, you would think that multiculturalism actually exists here, but quite interestingly I often sense of strong resistance towards any degree of unification. Quite ridiculous for such a small place!!!

.three.
No holidays until December. That's pretty scary for me, in fact I don't know how I'm going to survive it mentally. It's not the fact of a break, but the fact of having no plans to get out of Singapore, even if for a short while for this place drives me crazy. That said, I have committed to embark on a yoga journey in replacement of a gym membership (still active, needs to be culled ASAP as it is costing me SGD150 a month and with negative returns.) and hopefully that will keep my mental focus in tact (as well as heightened flexibility and some level of skill!). Time spent in Singapore would not be so difficult for me if I had one of my lovelies over here, but as I bluntly told Dugy when he "wished that [my] friends would relocate here", I would not wish that upon any of my friends as I actually do love them. "Maybe they'd like-" "No." Yes folks, it does appear that Singapore and I still have not grown to be friends. That said, I don't think I'm ready to part from the convenience of buying chicken rice for dinner just yet.

that's all folks. much love. xox

boom.

Twice this week i have been awoken by the loud cracking sound of thunder, as if the lightening bolt had shot through just above my head. i never dare to check the time, but my guess is that both times it has happened within 1 hr of waking up time. completely unfair.

It's not the best way to start my day, let alone two out of the four days that have since passed in the week. I don't particularly enjoy thunderstorms, in fact they mildly scare me.

Marmalade, my latest preferred toast topping.
Women who swing their long wet, non blow dried hair around on packed trains and elevators in the morning, my latest disappointment in the female gender.
French food, my current comfort food and downfall.

much love xox.

brr-rr-rrrrr.

To the amazement of no one who knows me well, I have been identified as an ice queen. interesting. Even more interesting (yet at the same time somewhat puzzling), I was told that apparently, some people say that you're unapproachable. ah huh.

I guess this is all about the whole issue of how well do you want to become friends with your colleagues. Can we just be friends, or do we need to constantly huggle and hi-five? I'm really not the type to engage in random, excited and stupendously OTT small talk with random people who I happen to bump into in the main break out space at work while preparing my mid-afternoon green tea just because I know that we all work for the same company even though we have absolutely nothing else to do with each other - personally or professionally. heck, am I obliged to become bumchums with people just because I think that they are Australian, or not Singaporean for that matter? I don't even know your name. Actually, YOU don't even know my name OR which department I work for. I get the feeling, that the only way to convince them that I'm not "unapproachable" but just particular and perhaps a tad unpretentious is to give everyone warm fuzzy hugs and kisses every time that I see them. ridiculous.

Anyway. I don't actually care that this is the view of the world, it's just interesting to me. At least I have stayed true to myself and have not turned into one of those people who I could never identify with. I actually like and think it is a good thing that the people who I have spent time with / seen regularly out and about can ascertain this aspect of my personality. It's not necessarily something to be proud about, or not proud about, but it is something that I have always carried about myself and I choose to be an ice queen at times. I choose to be particular. I choose to stick with genuine conversation.

Or. Maybe I need to wear black less often, and smile more.

much love xox.

The next Singaporean who explains to me that here, in Singapore "We don't wear flip flops to work *unimpressed look* " gets a punch in the face.

The problem with automatic flush toilets is that "people" become too accustomed to not being required to push a button and therefore are unable to deal with exception circumstances; and by "people" i actually mean disgusting defecating grot monsters who may appear to resemble a person but are actually way too uncivilised to be considered as one of us. like ew. what a way to end my day in the work toilets. in the 2 second glance i noticed that there was pee AND poo and NO paper and NO signs of flushing so GO FIGURE. whoever you are, you disgust me.

I just really needed to get that off my chest. besides that, I'm pretty dandy!

much love xo

biennale

As they say in Singapore, "by right", I should be a seasoned local given that I have resided here for over two years now. 2. hang on, didn't I tell my mother that she need not be concerned as I would only be here for about two years? I guess I did. Things change?

But not really. I have no long term plans to stay in Singapore. Then again, I don't really have long term plans, not if it excludes the general plan to get married one day and have babies. In the long term, I see myself in Sydney, but I really honestly have no idea when that will be. The only pulling factor is the tugging of my heart strings, work-wise, it doesn't make any sense.

Anyway. I don't feel that I've really evolved over the past year or so. I still have hateful thoughts penetrating my mind and shooting out of my eyes, materialising into transparent bolts of disdain. My most common hate-thoughts over the past two years:

Fuck. You have that awful Chinese man smell. Oh you smell. Oh HOW YOU SMELL. Is it better to breathe through my nose or my mouth. OMG if I breathe through my mouth I'll be practically drinking the core of your odour. Get me off this train.

Back off. You're standing too close to me.

Do you realise that you are simply unable to walk in those 3 inch heels?

Stop staring at me. You are a rude person.

C-O-M-M-O-N C-O-U-R-T-E-S-Y. How do I go about inserting it into the Singaporean mindset? **TOP URGENT** WHAT THE FUCK IS "TOP URGENT" anyway?!

I've decided to stop here because bringing on all of this hatred mustn't be good for me. I guess if I set aside my standards of basic manners, courtesy and abilities to co-exist with the general public then it's not so bad. Everything here makes basic living quite easy. The eating, the drinking, the transportation. Some being more costly than others, but I sure do not miss the qualms of living out in the 'burbs and fretting over the $60 cab ride home from the city for a Friday night drink.

It's a see saw ain't it.

xo

I propose to implement a scheme to forcibly teach Singaporeans how to walk in a "single file"

hello there.

it's been a while i know. nothing has been happening except for work and deteriorating eye sight. well i guess i only have myself to blame for not taking enough breaks and not doing my eye exercises but it kinda gets that way when i'm really wanting to get something completed. i don't like to stop.

i should learn.

anyway. i'm really freaking out about tipping into the late 20s. everytime i mention how i'll be turning 26 the response has been along the lines of "yeah that is old!". like OMFG help me?

pshh.

Love it

Just a short note on the last week of 2009. After spending a lovely chilled Christmas in Singapore Dugy and I embarked on our first adventure to Hong Kong together. I was quite excited as it had been ages since my last holiday (August) and also because I love Hong Kong and could not wait to share it with him.

Our time there was as expected and fabulous. the food is so fabulous that I have been unable to fathom the concept of eating Chinese food in Singapore for quite some time. Hong Kong always feel more like home than Singapore even though I have never properly lived there. One stark difference was that despite being surrounded by a whole crowd of people, they don't smell bad. Isn't it kind of nice (understatement) when you are not surrounded by stinky people? And it's not just the BO that comes from a day of sweating it out in a hot and humid climate. The people here actually carry an entrenched smell in their being. On my first day back I hopped onto the MRT and phew it was revolting. Luckily I only need to be on the train for one stop in the mornings.

How much do we love the Hong Kong MTR?! I love the efficiency of the entire Hong Kong network.

We even made the effort to go on touristy adventures (Lantau Island and the Peak) which was fun, and nice to appreciate Hong Kong in a different way. The fog on Lantau Island was so beautiful and creepy at the same time it brought on a lovely sense of calm. Quite befitting for a Buddha. Though he was not as large as I remember him to be.

 

Cannot be bothered writing more as it is past my bedtime and I am starting to squint.

much love xo.

TGIF when I wake up tomorrow

I have been feeling very sleep deprived this whole week. I feel like it has taken at least half of the week to cleanse my body of the non-drowsy side effects of the tablets I took in Hong Kong to fight off a mild cold. unfortunately the non-drowsiness only seemed to kick in when i was trying to sleep. thus, constantly sleepy during the day.

I can't wait until that feeling of going to bed on a Friday night not knowing what time I will rise the next morning.

 

Would not mind for some of that right now.

boo. We miss Hong Kong.

much love xox